I took the Meyer-Briggs personality test back in high school. Even though I have changed so much through the years, the INTJ designation I got seems to hold true.
However, instead of thinking today, all I have been doing is feeling. Sometimes, horrific events such as the Las Vegas shooting bring me down...very down. I think of all of the chaos, fear, hopelessness and confusion and feel despair at the mindlessness of it all. I'm so far removed from the event itself, and yet I feel the weight of the pain.
I can't really focus on superficial tasks or have any trivial worries when people's lives have been upended for no apparent reason. I feel heavy, especially since a solution seems distant. The air I breathe feels more dense today.
How do victims ever recover? Do they shed these memories with each passing sunrise, or wake up clutching on to them?
I feel guilty in some sense; I'm a mere witness and I have the luxury to wake up the next morning and continue on with my life. When things fall apart outside of your ecosystem, it can at best serve as that cliche reminder to stop worrying about the small problems we cling on to.